Do you need someone/something else to make you feel ok?

If you are only ‘OK’ if someone else says you are ‘OK’. What are you if they don’t?

I don’t know if you know anything about this:

Life Positions

I’m OK; You’re not OKI’m OK; You’re OK
I’m not OK; You’re not OKI’m not OK; You’re OK

The idea is that you build your beliefs in life – your view of the world in childhood, and this influences the later stages of your life. This life position is based on what do I think of myself, am I OK or not OK? And then, what do I think of others – are they OK or not OK? From this we construct our world based on these beliefs and expectations and they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It can either influence our feelings and behaviours or those shown to us by others giving us the feelings we expect. It’s a sort of psychological game with consequences – and we all play them.

Where do you think you might fit into this and why?

We all move between these states. I’m OK, You’re OK is the ideal – but you will find your position changing depending on circumstances. The important thing is knowing enough about yourself to know how to get you back to that ideal.

The same behaviour model as above also describes our interactions with each other in terms of ego states.

ParentParent
AdultAdult
ChildChild

This is a very simplistic view to try to convey what I mean. We behave/interact with others from an ego state to their ego state. A parent will talk to a child state in a controlling way and force the child state to behave in that childlike way in response, giving all the feelings that go with it. The child reaction will reinforce the parent state. The ideal is for 2 adult states to interact together not putting anyone in control or in power.

There are no right and wrong answers and no judgements!

This is so you can find find ‘You’ – and be the happiest and most content ‘You’ that you can be.

Ok – you’ve thought about this? How does it feel then if I add a little more complexity?


You
Other person
Critical Parent

Nurturing Parent
Critical Parent

Nurturing Parent
AdultAdult
Adapted Child

Little Professor

Natural/Free Child
Adapted Child

Little Professor

Natural/Free Child

Parent types tend to come from our own parents, carers, teachers etc. And critical and nurturing I guess are pretty self explanatory.

This is why you can have a relationship which might occasionally move from Adult to one or other being more bossy or critical, or to one looking after the other for a time -and it is still Ok.

You can use your nurturing parent on yourself too to tell yourself You are OK!

In Child we work with more basic, impulsiveness and feelings.

The Natural Child is who we were when we were born, with feelings that come naturally in a given situation, when we feel happy or sad, angry or fearful.

The Little Professor is the thinking part and acts to get what the child wants – a baby crying to be picked up, a person acting in a way to get another to do something for them, a means of getting required attention, or using imagination to work something out.

The Adapted Child may also behaving in 3 ways and is in response to other people –
It might be a yes person to always please others to be liked. It might be OK to be polite and behave appropriately but not OK if it is doing you harm to be this way.

The Sulk is angry inside but afraid to let it out and say what is bothering it.
The Rebel – well this also speaks for itself!

The psychological model is called transactional analysis because it is simply that – it is how we transact with each other

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